On Empty

Have you ever felt empty? Completely depleted. Used up. Finished? That's me today!
I feel like an overloaded charcoal water filter cartridge. One that adsorbs all of the gunky toxins from everything that flows through it.  I've patiently listened to squabble after debate after offense after altercation until I'm beyond blue in the face...I'm blue through and through! Now what?
Do what I've always done...throw my hands up, leave the room, throw myself on my bed and cry! And cry. That always relieves at least some of the tension. After that I can think for awhile. So, I think. I think, "wow...I am overwhelmed, maxed out, done for". And yet I also think, everything will be alright (for it always has been). Then I think a prayer; "Oh, God help me, please? - You've got the wrong person for this job, I can't do it anymore!" Once I get that out I'm on the road to recovery! For it is in that request, that statement of self-hopelessness that I release all of my anxiety and throw myself on the only One who can and will pick me up and cause me to stand again.
My spirit begins to commune with His and the Word which is hidden in my heart begins to manifest the peace that passes understanding.

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2 Corinthians 2:19




Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called: But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are: That no flesh should glory in his presence.(1Co 1:25-29)

Philippians 4:13

 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22

God has also blessed me with a tender and understanding husband who upon seeing me in such a distress, admonished everyone in the house to please be quiet... (I know they hoped I'd fall asleep). After this "time out" and the above stated meditations and prayers I was able to return refreshed to my work (that of teaching and training children) and press on.

Mothering can and will be overwhelming at times but God is faithful always and will calm the storm within so that we can weather the storms without. I have never asked God for help and had the answer be "NO"!

Here are lyrics to a song that often courses through my mind:

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile
'Cause deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child